Tough Stuff ~ When they Move out but Visit

Does anyone really talk about the tough stuff? I know we all do but what about the really tough stuff?

I have 3 children and I would do anything I could for them except compromise myself.

When a child move out and lives on their own, your home changes. They are always welcome and wanted but it changes in that it becomes your home. Not theirs. I hate even writing that but I am seeking thoughts on this topic, perhaps clarity.

When my moved out children come home, I do not mind them eating whatever they feel, aging friends over and such, but I do mind them eating away from the table. I do mind them bringing friends over when I am not home. While I want them comfortable here, I do not want them too comfortable. One of my kids is quite upset with me for not allowing him to be at my house over the long weekend, by himself with a bunch of friends over for a BBQ. He does not live in the same city BUT I am not a huge fan of 19-22 year old boys hanging out (partying) at my home.

I honestly love having my kids home. I love the feeling of knowing they are in their old rooms sleeping. I love the noise of them, for a short time. I love my kids.

What are your thoughts? I feel guilty saying no. I get the age old "you don't trust me?" In which I give the age age answer, " No I don't trust your friends". And I finish with "Frankly I do not trust teenaged boys in my home!"

I do not want to leave my own child feeling rejected. I certainly do not want my own children to ever feel unloved and supported. but some things I actually don't support. My daughter, 17, is amazing and I would never allow her to have a party with or without me home. She knows, she has hinted a few times and accepts the answer will remain NO. I love her and trust her, but again, this is my safe place.And I like her friends a lot and know them well.

WHAT DO YAH THINK???