Tough Stuff ~ When they Move out but Visit

Does anyone really talk about the tough stuff? I know we all do but what about the really tough stuff?

I have 3 children and I would do anything I could for them except compromise myself.

When a child move out and lives on their own, your home changes. They are always welcome and wanted but it changes in that it becomes your home. Not theirs. I hate even writing that but I am seeking thoughts on this topic, perhaps clarity.

When my moved out children come home, I do not mind them eating whatever they feel, aging friends over and such, but I do mind them eating away from the table. I do mind them bringing friends over when I am not home. While I want them comfortable here, I do not want them too comfortable. One of my kids is quite upset with me for not allowing him to be at my house over the long weekend, by himself with a bunch of friends over for a BBQ. He does not live in the same city BUT I am not a huge fan of 19-22 year old boys hanging out (partying) at my home.

I honestly love having my kids home. I love the feeling of knowing they are in their old rooms sleeping. I love the noise of them, for a short time. I love my kids.

What are your thoughts? I feel guilty saying no. I get the age old "you don't trust me?" In which I give the age age answer, " No I don't trust your friends". And I finish with "Frankly I do not trust teenaged boys in my home!"

I do not want to leave my own child feeling rejected. I certainly do not want my own children to ever feel unloved and supported. but some things I actually don't support. My daughter, 17, is amazing and I would never allow her to have a party with or without me home. She knows, she has hinted a few times and accepts the answer will remain NO. I love her and trust her, but again, this is my safe place.And I like her friends a lot and know them well.

WHAT DO YAH THINK???

Planning SE Asia

This is insane.

We are heading to SE Asia, more specifically, Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand for 5 weeks in December!!! I am so excited and somewhat nervous. Of course, Amanda, the uber planner and brains of our life, booked all our accommodations. They are amazing. Funny, we are booking and thinking at times $35 a night is so expensive! Crazy huh? We have our basic itinerary planned out. I am so excited.

We begin in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam 

Oh I love the bikes!!

We are planning to just hang out and perhaps take a food bike tour in the evening!

Then off to Cambodia

Temples, Monks, Killing Fields, Culture, Food.

I am sad about the genocide that happened but I want to pay my respects and understand these real issues in life. I can make a difference with knowledge. Maybe not a huge one but I will do my best.

We then head to Thailand

Chiang Mai, Bangkok, Koh Phi Phi, Ko Lanta, Koh Tao

Elephant Nature Park, where you help the elephants. We will be there overnight. Food, cooking classes, guesthouses, eating, temples, treks, beaches, paddle boarding, swimming, relaxing.

Trains, buses. planes, tuk tuks, bikes on and on.

Well only a few months away.

125 days, 4 hrs, 10 mins and 3 seconds!

OMG WHO AM I

So I am a mom, but until this summer, I have really been mostly a mom, now they don't need me so much. I am still a mom but my littles have grown to become their own self suffiecent people.

Tatyanah, 17, is working full-time this summer and I do not help her get ready, make her lunch or help her schedule it. She goes out with friends and is happy all the time. She is a great kid. But she is still my baby.

Jakob just got his blue book and is working as an electrician and living up north. He did that on his own. He is smart and funny and learning things about life. He is really starting to learn about life and what it has to offer. he will be 19m August 4th, how did that happen? He used to sleep in my room every night forever, now he is in his own house.

Tim is 24. He bought his own house, he is married, he has a great career. He is married to a perfect wife for him. He is my first born and stubborn. He makes me proud that he stands up for what he believes in. 

This was my identity until about 4 years ago. These 3 kids were all I focused on, their happiness, helping them have as many experiences as they could have. 

And I would not change it for ANYTHING.

But life moved at a crazy pace and they are still my babies but with their own lives.

So where did that leave me?

I am also a wife. I married my wife, Amanda, 2 years and 2 days ago. I love her with all I am and am honestly living the dream. We never fight. When something is bothering us, we talk it out. Or get quiet and both cry, then talk it out. We love the same things. She is a spitfire but always calm. She is brilliant and thinks things through. I am a spitfire and will jump into anything. I am usually full of energy and ready to do everything...until 11pm. 

I love paddle boarding and can't seem to get enough. And biking, it is my favourite thing to do. I love anything with water. A few weekends ago while we were camping, we went to the middle of the lake and swam around, I loved it. I love camping. 

I love my job. I run a day home and each of ,my littles is special to me. I miss them so much when they are gone for the summer months, as a matter of fact, every week I have one of them for a visit. Tomorrow I have 3 of them, so much fun!!

I love life.

I guess I am me!

LOVE THIS

"A REAL AUTHENTIC MAN SIMPLY ALLOWS PEOPLE TO BE THEMSELVES. It is not my business to judge anybody as good, as bad. Everybody has to be conscious of his own qualities. If I want to help people, I cannot help by judging; and I can help them only by making them more conscious. If I want to help people -- and there is a great beauty in helping, great joy -- then the first thing is a TOTAL ACCEPTANCE of the person, whoever he is, whatever he is. This is the way the existence has brought him. There must be some need that he is fulfilling; and without him existence will be a little less, he will be missed. And nobody can replace him. He is so unique that he is irreplaceable." ~ OSHO

borrowed from http://isaidthatoutloud.blogspot.com/

Us!

Let's start from the beginning.

I am Kathy. My partner is Amanda. Our kids are Jake 15, Taty 14.

This is the 4 of us, not a lot of pictures of us together because one of us is usually holding the camera. And it is not always easy to have Jake and Taty close to each other without an argument breaking out :(

Tatyanah...she is a spitfire, she is always busy and active. She loves travel and ringette. She already has a few jobs, a dog walker and a nanny 1 to 2 days a week.

This is Jake. He loves FOOD. He will eat anything, he loves to cook, he loves to eat and eat and eat. He also is a super hard worker. He is in PEI with Amanda's mom and husband helping renovate their motel and lode for 2 months. He loves it.

This is us at an MS fundraiser this past weekend. Amanda is "very normal" she says. She is quiet and brilliant. She can do everything it is crazy, although she is not good with a diablo. She loves cooking and hates cleaning!

I, Kathy, love cleaning and organizing. I love washing dishes and hate cooking. I can cook, I just do not like it. I am not normal or quiet. I always have lots to say. And I always love to help people.

I am often asked if we are NORMAL....my honest answer is NO WAY! We are crazy, live life to the fullest and live in every moment. For me it is about being TRUE TO YOU. I love that.

I am starting this blog to talk about life as a gay woman and family. So many people have different views on gay people and I promise we are just normal. Most people just want to ask questions to gain understanding, I love that. I like being open. I am always asked how my kids feel. I did not join the rainbow group until I was older. So that is a whole different set of questions.

So here begins our life on a blog.....

Enjoy and please feel free to ask ANYTHING...

Kathy